The Best of Fredric Brown, by Fredric Brown (collection pub. 1976, edited by Robert Bloch; stories pub. 1941-65)
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So, this is something I must have bought used, sometime in the 1980s or early 90s, and didn't get a dust jacket with it (so I won't be sharing a picture here). I want to say that a lot of Brown's stories are very short, though some of them are of normal short story length. It's because of this that I'll be listing the number of pages of each story, but my OCD makes me want to add that I'll be numbering them so that a page with any amount of text, no matter how little, will be counted as a full page. (That can apply to stories that are less than one full page in length as well as stories where the last page has hardly any text on it.) I know none of that likely matters to anyone but me, but like I said... OCD. Um... I also want to mention that I have a page I keep in the book that I tore out of Read Magazine a long time ago, which has one of Brown's one-page stories, "Sentry," which doesn't appear in this collection, so I won't be reviewing it here. I just wanted to let you know I have it. (Maybe someday I'll get another collection of Brown's stories that does have it, and I'll review it then.) Oddly, I actually have a complete copy of a different issue of "Read" that also has that same story. Anyway, I guess I don't know what else to say.

Arena (pub. 1944; 27 pages)
A man named Bob Carson awakes to find himself in a strange, impossible place; a domed environment with blue sand, rocks, and bushes. In flashback, he recalls being in his one-man scout ship, part of an armada that was preparing for battle with mysterious aliens whom Earthers called "Outsiders." Before long, a voice in his head explains that it (the "Entity") has come to the conclusion that war between the two races will result in mutual extinction, so the Entity has put Carson and an Outsider into this place out of time, to battle to the death. Whichever wins, his race will be spared and the loser's race will be entirely destroyed by the Entity. But there's a seemingly impenetrable, invisible barrier dividing the dome in half, so that Carson and the Outsider (which he comes to think of as a "Roller") are unable to physically reach each other. Thus, it is intelligence and courage that will determine the winner. At first, Carson tries to suggest peace, but the Roller is clearly determined to kill him. And Carson comes to realize that human and Outsider minds are utterly incompatible, and the Entity was correct to say that the two races cannot share the same universe. (It occurs to me as I write this that the Entity, which can travel between universes, might have been able to move one race into a different universe, but I assume it's smart enough to have considered that and knew it was impossible for some reason.) Anyway, I don't want to spoil any details of either Carson or the Roller's efforts to kill each other, but it's a pretty interesting story, even if I hate the idea that an entire sentient race has to be eliminated, whether it turns out to be humans or Outsiders. At least I like that Carson tried to talk peace. I should also mention that this story has influenced a number of other writers' stories, probably most famously Gene L. Coon's "Arena" episode of Star Trek. (Though apparently Coon himself wasn't consciously aware of such inspiration when he wrote the episode. And certainly there are some distinct differences between the two stories.)

Imagine (pub. 1955; 1 page)
I don't know what to say about this except that it's actually pretty boring. It's not even really a story.

It Didn't Happen (pub. 1963; 13 pages)
This, I think, is one of the few stories in the book that I remember the best, and like the most. It's about a man named Lorenz Kane who murders a stripper, and is subsequently surprised to be arrested. He explains his story to an attorney named Morty Mearson. I won't go into detail, but it involves solipsism. (This may or may not have been the first place I heard the term, I don't recall.) Reading it now, I enjoyed how hardboiled the writing style is. Or I should say something like a cross between a pulpy detective novel and a screwball comedy. But ultimately what I find most memorable is the story itself, which is rather surreal... and I guess that makes for a nice sort of contrast with a writing style that's much more down to earth than you'd expect of this kind of story.

Recessional (pub. 1960; 2 pages)
A bishop talks about an ongoing war between the Whites (his side) and the Blacks. He's concerned for his king, who is despondent after the loss of the queen. And he talks about another bishop, who had spoken some heretical thoughts to him. There is a twist ending, but I can't imagine anyone wouldn't see it coming from practically the start of the story... and especially after reading about the other bishop's ideas.

Eine Kleine Nachtmusik (pub. 1965; 18 pages)
Well, I didn't really remember this from the first time I read it. And it didn't end at all the way I expected it to. It's about a clarinet-player named Dooley Hanks, who travels the world looking for "the Sound." And he finally finds it in a small town in Germany, when he hears an older man named Otto playing a hautboy in a wine cellar. When Otto leaves the establishment, Dooley follows him, and eventually gets invited back to Otto's place, an abandoned building where he can play his music at any hour. Dooley is hoping to learn where he can obtain a hautboy of his own, but more than that, I won't say... Anyway, it's not a bad story, I guess, though it's still not one of my favorites, in this collection.

Puppet Show (pub. 1962; 10 pages)
This is one of the stories I remembered best from reading the collection years ago. It's set in a small town (pop. 41) in Arizona. One hot summer day, a grizzled old prospector named Dade Grant leads an alien named Garth, riding Grant's burro, into town. Garth wants to speak with one of humanity's leaders, and a local bartender named Manuel Casey calls his half brother, who is a colonel at the Air Force base in Tucson. Colonel Casey comes by helicopter to talk with Garth, and their conversation is recorded for the country's actual leaders to listen to later, after a decision has been made about whether or not to invite humanity to join the Galactic Union. Garth had been chosen to represent the Union as first contact with Earth because his was the member race that would be most horrifying to humans... for a reason I recognize now as "uncanny valley," though that term isn't actually used in the story. (I suspect that whenever I did learn the phrase, I probably thought of this story.) It was to test our level of xenophobia. Beyond that, I don't want to reveal any more of the plot. But I've always thought it was a really good story.

Nightmare in Yellow (pub. 1961; 2 pages)
First I should say I don't understand the title. And the story itself, well, it's okay. Not something I find really memorable. But anyway, there's a guy who's planning to embezzle money at work then kill his wife and leave his old life behind, on this 40th birthday, to start a new life somewhere else. But there's a twist ending that I don't think is particularly surprising.

Earthmen Bearing Gifts (pub. 1960; 3 pages)
A couple of Martians are waiting for Earth to make first contact, in the hopes of trading types of knowledge specific to each race. And... that's all I want to reveal of the plot. But it's a decent little story (and kind of reminds me of a story I once wrote, myself, though it didn't involve Mars).

Jaycee (pub. 1955; 2 pages)
This is just ridiculous.

Pi in the Sky (pub. 1945; 26 pages)
Stars start moving in ways that should be impossible. No one knows how this is happening. I'm not sure what else to say, except that when the reason for all this is finally revealed, it's rather amusing.

Answer (pub. 1954; 1 page)
A supercomputer with all the knowledge of millions of worlds is activated. A question is asked of it. An answer is given. That's all I'm gonna say, except that it's kind of like an Asimov story, but more disturbing.

The Geezenstacks (pub. 1943; 9 pages)
A man named Richard gives a set of dolls to his niece, Aubrey. He had found the dolls under somewhat strange circumstances, which he explained to Aubrey's parents, Edith (Richard's sister) and Sam Walters. Aubrey decides to call the dolls "the Geezenstacks: Mama and Papa and Aubrey and Uncle. As time goes by, Sam notices that situations which happen to the Geezenstacks when Aubrey plays with them will eventually happen to the Walterses and Richard, and he becomes increasingly unnerved by this, though he doesn't mention it to Edith or Richard, for fear of sounding crazy. Beyond that, I won't reveal any more of the plot, but I thought it was a reasonably good story.

Hall of Mirrors (pub. 1953; 7 pages)
A 25-year-old man from 1954 suddenly finds himself in 2004, and reads a letter from the 75-year-old man who had brought him there in the time machine he had invented. The machine's inventor, who is sort of no longer around, tasks the 25-year-old man with making an important decision about the time machine. To say any more would be too spoilery, but I thought it was a pretty decent story.

Knock (pub. 1948; 10 pages)
All but two of the people on Earth (and most of the animals) have been killed by an alien race called the Zan. The last remaining man and woman, Walter Phelan and Grace Evans, live in a sort of zoo. It's a decent story, I guess, but there's nothing more I want to say about it.

Rebound (pub. 1961; 3 pages)
A small-time crook named Larry Snell discovers one day that he has, inexplicably, acquired the power to make people do anything he tells them to do. He soon goes from making money with this power to making plans to take over the world. But he's foiled by a humorous twist ending.

Star Mouse (pub. 1942; 20 pages)
A professor named Oberburger creates a rocket fuel that he uses to send a small rocket on a possible trip to the moon. The ship is just big enough for one passenger: a mouse whom he calls Mitkey (named after Mickey Mouse, but with the professor's German accent). But the ship never makes it to the moon, for a reason I don't want to get into. In fact I don't want to say anything more about the plot. It wasn't a bad story, but I found it fairly inconsequential.

Abominable (pub. 1960; 3 pages)
Sir Chauncey Atherton climbs a mountain in the Himalayas, which is known to be inhabited by Abominable Snowmen, in search of an Italian movie star named Lola Gabraldi, who had recently disappeared. I guess because he was hoping to have sex with her. Anyway, of course he gets captured by one of the creatures, and beyond that I won't say anything. I guess the story wasn't bad, but I'm glad it was fairly short. I certainly don't find it very memorable.

Letter to a Phoenix (pub. 1949; 8 pages)
A man who has lived 180,000 years and seen the rise and fall of multiple civilizations tells what he has learned to the current civilization, which is headed toward an atomic war. I don't want to reveal any details, but I think it's a pretty interesting story, one of the better ones in this collection.

Not Yet the End (pub. 1941; 3 pages)
The first thing I want to say is that the list of contents at the front of the book takes up about a page and a half, and at the bottom of the first page it lists this story. I've always thought it's kind of neat that a story with this title is listed there, while the last story in the book, "The End," is listed... well, last. I have to assume both things are intentional. Anyway, this story is about a pair of aliens scouting for worlds where they might find species to enslave. They come to Earth, and capture two specimens, and I don't want to say more than that, except that the ending is reasonably amusing... and lucky.

Etaoin Shrdlu (pub. 1942; 21 pages)
The story is told by a retired printer named Walter Merold, who is approached by a man whose name he soon forgets, who wants to use a Linotype to print something he wants no one else to read. Walter sends the man to a local newspaper printer named George Ronson. The man rents the use of George's Linotype for a quick job, and is never seen again. However, strange things begin to happen with the Linotype itself, after that. And that's all I want to reveal. It's a reasonably good story, I guess, with a reasonably satisfying conclusion.

Armageddon (pub. 1941; 5 pages)
A young boy ends up unwittingly saving the world from Satan. That's all I want to say, except it's a cute little story.

Experiment (pub. 1954; 2 pages)
An experiment with a small-scale time travel device is a success... sort of.

The Short Happy Lives of Eustace Weaver (pub. 1961; 5 pages.) A man invents a time machine and decides to get rich by betting on horse races, but first he needs to get money for betting. So he robs the store where he works. It takes a couple of tries to pull that off, but when he finally gets to the race track, he finds a complication he couldn't have anticipated. Which I won't spoil, but I guess the story was okay.

Reconciliation (pub. 1954; 2 pages)
I didn't care about this one.

Nothing Sirius (pub. 1944; 16 pages)
A small spaceship of traveling entertainers (of some sort) had just left a stint on two planets in the Sirius system, when they discovered an unknown planet. So they land, and go for a look around. I don't want to reveal anything about what they found there, but they soon leave again, with no plans to ever go back or tell anyone about the planet. I guess it was an okay story, mildly amusing, but not something I'd find very memorable.

Pattern (pub. 1954; 2 pages)
This is one of the stories I've always remembered. Two sisters are having a conversation while one of them works in her garden. They're talking about the mile-tall, intangible aliens that landed on Earth some time ago. The aliens seem to have taken no notice of humanity's attempts to communicate with them or attack them. And... I don't want to spoil how it turns out, but it's kind of chilling, and I like it.

The Yehudi Principle (pub. 1944; 11 pages)
A man named Charlie Swann invented a headband gizmo that... lets you get things done quickly. Or something. It's weird. The story is narrated by a friend of Charlie's to whom he shows his invention. And that's all I want to say about the plot, but it's reasonably interesting, I guess.

Come and Go Mad (pub. 1949; 40 pages)
A reporter named George Vine is presented with the choice of going on an assignment for the newspaper he works for, or declining. It would require him to infiltrate an insane asylum, as a patient. He chooses to accept the assignment, and so pretends to believe he is Napoleon Bonaparte. Except he actually is Napoleon, or was until three years ago, when George Vine had a car accident that nearly killed him. For three years since then, Napoleon has been pretending to believe he is George Vine, and that he has amnesia and can't remember anything of his life before the accident. It's an intriguing premise, and it gets more intriguing as the story progresses. But I don't want to spoil how it all turns out, except to say that he learns a truth that drives him mad. But it's a convenient sort of madness, after which he remembers nothing of the truth he had learned. Definitely a good story.

The End (pub. 1961; 1 page)
This is just silly. Silly just is this.