One Million Years B.C.
Hammer Films; IMDb; Rotten Tomatoes; TCM; TV Tropes; Wikipedia
streaming sites: none that I know of.

Caution: total spoilers, I guess. Not that it matters.

Some (including the DVD case) might call this science fiction, but really it seems more like a period piece, to me. Just a tad further back than most period pieces reach. So, I originally put the review in my "period pieces" section, but I was never quite comfortable with that choice, so I eventually moved it to action/adventure, though I was never entirely comfortable with that choice, either. Later, when I eventually started a category for "giant monsters," I considered moving this review there, but decided against it. Later still, I started a category for B-movies, and decided to move it there. And I am finally comfortable. (So nobody better tell me it's not a B-movie.)

Anyway, the title will pretty much tell you it's about cave people. They do have a basic sort of primitive language, I guess, or perhaps more than one, because there are two tribes in the movie: the Rock People and the Shell People. The latter seem to be slightly more advanced, but not by much. Neither side says anything you can really understand, aside from names. Tumak is exiled from the Rock People after a fight with his brother, I guess. He has a few adventures involving dinosaurs or whatever. He meets Loana of the Shell People (played by Raquel Welch, who is the main reason to bother watching the movie). Tumak seems to join her tribe, but is later sent away because of his more aggressive ways. Loana follows him.

They have some more adventures. They go back to the Rock people, where Loana fights Nupondi, who I think was Tumak's mate before he was exiled, maybe. Loana wins, but lets Nupondi live, which is a pretty foreign concept to the Rock People. Then I think Tumak and Loana left again, I forget why, but then there's a battle between the tribes, which is interrupted by a volcanic eruption and major earthquakes, which claim plenty of lives on both sides. I guess after that no one's in the mood to fight anymore, and they all wander off together, presumably in search of a new place to live.

But the movie ends there, with everyone just walking off. Pretty primitive plot. Not much point to any of it. Really, it's nothing more than an imaginary documentary of how life probably was back then. Which is okay on its own merits, I suppose. If you like documentaries or prehistoric... history... or if you just want to look at women in primitive bikinis... or if you just really like Ray Harryhausen's special effects, and don't much care about plot or characters, then maybe you'll like this movie better than I did. Personally, I thought it was tolerable. Worth watching once, maybe. I guess. Sort of. *shrug*