Curse of the Golden Flower (R)
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This movie is fucked up royal. Literally. It took me awhile to get a handle on the plot, but it didn't take long at all to figure that out. Also I should say, there are some pretty badass fight scenes, but not enough for me to think of this as a martial arts film, or anything like that. It's mostly just an incredibly dysfunctional family drama, more so than any soap opera you've ever seen. But um... it's all very lavish.

Anyway. It's set in 928, during the Tang Dynasty. I guess the Emperor (Chow Yun-fat) and his eldest son, Jai, have been away for a few years fighting in military campaigns. Meanwhile, the Empress (Gong Li) has been having an affair with her stepson, the Emperor's second oldest, Wan. But lately Wan has also been having an affair with Chan, the daughter of the imperial doctor. And apparently the Empress has been taking medicine for the last ten years, but recently the recipe has been changed to include something that will make her go crazy and die. Or whatever. And she knows this, but she has no choice but to keep taking her medicine. Also I need to mention there's a third son, Yu, who is of relatively little importance. And fairly early in the movie, the Emperor and Jai return to the palace. Also, throughout the movie reference is frequently made to the impending Chrysanthemum Festival. I get the feeling that the whole movie takes place over two days, the day before and day of the festival. But holy crap, so much stuff happens that it seems like it's more like at least a week. Even after someone specifically says the festival is tomorrow, way more stuff happens than I can reasonably accept happening in one day. In fact quite a bit later someone refers to the festival as if it's still several days off, when it must be that very day. So, I dunno. It just weirds me out, okay?

But that's not important. What's important is that the Empress has set a coup in motion. And she gets Jai on her side. Oh yeah, and I wanted to mention that I really have no idea who Jai's birth mother is. I know that Wan's mother is the Emperor's previous wife, who's supposed to be dead. So I assume she'd also be Jai's mother, but nothing in the film makes that even a little bit clear. I will say, however, that we do eventually learn something about Wan's mother that has a tangential effect of making a certain plot point really disturbing. And... feh, I really dunno what else to tell you. The movie got more interesting the further into it I got, but still... it's all so... whatever. It just is the opposite of a feel-good movie.