Vampire Academy (PG-13)
Dread Central; fansite; IMDb; Rotten Tomatoes; TV Tropes; Wikia; Wikipedia
streaming sites: Amazon; iTunes; Vudu; YouTube

This is based on a series of YA books, which I haven't read. The movie was a critical and financial failure, and while I liked it (and would like for there to be a sequel), I can't really fault any critics for disliking it. I guess it's supposed to sort of be a spoof of things like Twilight, but I think it's kind of unfair to just look at it that way. The movie has its own universe, which I think could be reasonably interesting in its own right. And while it's definitely a comedy, it can also be taken semi-seriously. I also suppose it could seem that the main reason to watch it is because the girls are hot... (How hot? Sarah Hyland plays a dork. Yeah.) But I think that also does the movie a disservice. Honestly, I ended up being more interested in the story. But here's the thing... the story isn't actually presented particularly well. I mean, by normal Hollywood standards. It's kind of choppy, I'd say. And I'd also say the movie is mostly exposition. And it's not very coherent. (Wait... maybe that's what I meant when I called it "choppy.") But um, I still found it entertaining. And in a way, I thought the... choppiness... worked in its favor. Not even in a "so bad it's good" sort of way, but more in an "MTV" kind of way. (And to be clear, I mean the MTV of the 80s and 90s.) So... if you have the proper mindset, you should be able to appreciate the movie.

Anyway, it starts with a family driving along, having an ordinary conversation about a song on the radio, when suddenly there's a collision. The parents and their son die, but their daughter and her friend survive. The scene then jumps forward by a year, and we see that the two survivors were both having a dream about the accident. We also learn that they're on the run from St. Vladimir's Academy. One of the girls, Lissa Dragomir, is a "Moroi." (Basically vampires, but good ones, who need to drink blood to survive, but they don't kill. And most of the vampire myths don't really apply to them. Plus they have magical talents based in one of the four classical elements, kind of like benders.) The other girl, Rose Hathaway, is a "Dhampir." (Half vampire/half human, they train to be guardians of the Moroi.) There are also creatures called "Strigoi," which are monstrous vampires that want to kill Moroi. They don't have magic, but they're much more powerful.

Well, a team of Dhampir led by a guy named Dimitri soon catch up with Lissa and Rose, and take them back to the academy. Rose goes back to training with Dimitri, but she also wants to protect Lissa (who is not just a Moroi, but a princess) from whatever enemies she may have within the academy. Oh, and the two girls have a bond that allows Rose to occasionally go into a trance in which she sees what's happening to Lissa. (This is apparently pretty rare, and only two other Moroi are mentioned as having had such a bond with their Dhampir.) But... aside from a sinister plot that must be uncovered, there's lots of typical teenage drama, which serves to obscure the real danger. And I don't really know what to say about either aspect of the plot. Which is fine, because explaining it would just spoil it, anyway. Probably. But there are so many important characters I haven't even mentioned. Victor (Gabriel Byrne), Natalie (Hyland), Christian, Headmistress Kirova, Mason, Mia, et al. I feel bad about not telling you anything about them. But like I said... spoilers.

So... what can I say? It's not really a "good" movie, but I thought it was fun and sort of interesting. And it had a good soundtrack, by some cool artists. Also, Wikipedia informs me that one critic called Rose a "ripoff" of Juno. I could see that, I guess, but before I read that, while watching the movie I was kind of thinking more along the lines of the character being a ripoff of Veronica Mars. Either way, I don't see it as a bad thing. You know what they say: if you're going to steal, steal from the best.